I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
