When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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