I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
