we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
