This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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