I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
