Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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