the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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