a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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