Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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