Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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