Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I forget how to act sober
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
