So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
