so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
