I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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