I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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