I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
