wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
