I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
