I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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