It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
