You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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