She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
