But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
