You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
