R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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