Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
