whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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