Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
