He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
