I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
