Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
