somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
