I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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