The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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