You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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