I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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