Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1345) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks http://tfl.nu/7ncm
  Replies (16) Good night (1239) Bad night (4343)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/0pt9
  Replies (9) Good night (4131) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1741) Bad night (1936)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search. http://tfl.nu/gxvg
  Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (2137)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding http://tfl.nu/svxp
  Replies (16) Good night (5197) Bad night (1270)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/r09f
  Replies (9) Good night (558) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see. http://tfl.nu/hkkp
  Replies (10) Good night (1589) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster. http://tfl.nu/ckt2
  Replies (8) Good night (1886) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache http://tfl.nu/4l2z
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (1241)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help. http://tfl.nu/nnry
  Replies (11) Good night (1246) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house http://tfl.nu/x0d1
  Replies (2) Good night (1037) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it. http://tfl.nu/cvsi
  Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He had a step stool to get in to his bed!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He had a step stool to get in to his bed! http://tfl.nu/4n7f
  Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out

  (253): View more from Washington

  why what happened?

  (607): View more from New York

  Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out (253): why what happened? (607): Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket. http://tfl.nu/9yxi
  Replies (9) Good night (831) Bad night (393)

Randomize