I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
handjob tips. give me some.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK