It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent