Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
