You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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