Sponge bath it is.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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