sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
