He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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