really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
