Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize