I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
