Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
