Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
