Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
