Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
