I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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