I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
the raccoons are back...
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