just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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