then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
