My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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