I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
