She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
