About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
