im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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