i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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