just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
