I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
