well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I could fuck to npr.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
