i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
