like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is it fun? or sober?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
