my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
