good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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