If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
