he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You're like the curious george of whores
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.