just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk