I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.