the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
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So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?