my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.