First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.