can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?