The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
