I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
