You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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