My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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