Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
