Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
