I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
