I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize