Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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